Sarah Seat

Now I’ve gone and done it.

I’ve killed again.

This time, it was the toilet seat, Sarah.

It’s like I can’t help myself.

In the dark of the night, I broke her neck.

But she did manage one swift bite to my behind, before she succumbed to her injuries.

Then I hurriedly bandaged her up, so I could pretend I tried to save her.

slob, humor, taped up toilet seat
Ouch!              Purple duct tape fixes everything, right??

The next morning, when her mother, Terra Toilet woke up, she was hysterically unconsolable.     

Of course she was!         She just lost her daughter!!           They were very attached!

DD1 went to the toilet seat orphanage, AKA Wally World, to get a new seat.   New seat Serena was only too happy to be picked out from all other orphans to be adopted into a forever family.     She didn’t even mind changing her name, since it would mean instant acceptance from her new mommy.

PopPop performed the separation surgery.     In Terra Toilet’s anesthesia cocktail, he added a              drug to wipe her memory of Sarah’s untimely end.

He successfully detached Sarah, who had not cut her apron hinge strings yet.        Then, he attached the Seat, formerly known as Serena.

slob, humor, Sarah seat
Introducing Serena Seat!!           Oops,      I mean Sarah Seat!

When Terra woke up, there was Serena Sarah smiling at her.       “Hi Mommy!     How are you feeling?”

Terra clutched her head, and whimpered, “Oh, Sarah!      I had such a horrible nightmare!!                    I dreamed you died!!”

slob, humor, Terra Toilet
This is Terra, with Serena, Sarah.








“It’s okay, Mommy, I’m right here, and I’m fine.”

Terra sighed with relief.       “I’m so glad it was only a nightmare!        I love you, Sarah!”

“I love you too, Mommy!”

All’s well, that ends well.       For Terra, and Sarah (#2), that is.

slob, humor, Sarah gravestone
Apparently, “Melinda broke her neck,” was too long to chisel on there.     And lookee there, they got the date wrong, too.

RIP Sarah #1.     It’s not Mommy’s fault she can’t remember you.       But rest easy, because we do.

Forever in our hearts.   <3

An Absolutely post.      Brought to you by the letter “T”, and bad dreams.

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  1. I feel your pain. We currently have a broken toilet seat that needs replaced (but unfortunately I’m in hyperdrive and can’t slow down due to ongoing family emergencies).

    Someday I will have to tell you about our terrible history of broken toilet seats and the toilet seats that were mail ordered and the hillarious phone call I had with a catalogue representative about needing to return a toilet seat and needing to test drive the next one…(TBC)

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