Okay, well, it’s finally time.
I’m ready to admit some home truths to myself, and you.
(Please take this seriously, I’m not joking today.)
Sugar crash is a real thing. That I’ve been denying, and lying about my whole life. Even though I’ve observed it in my brother, all his life. But hey, I’m older and stronger than him! Sugar can’t defeat me! Uh, yes it can. And it does, every time I overdo it.
Be completely honest. Alright, this hurts to admit, but every time, I O.D. on it.
(My college BFF told me that all the time. “White sugar, white flour, white death.” And I laughed it off, every time she said it. Guess which one of us is still slim, and very healthy??)
Which usually means, every time I eat something sweet. If a “normal” person can eat 2 doughnuts, and stop, I’m not normal. I eat until the dozen is gone.
Heaven help anybody who was late getting there. Sorry, all gone. 🙁
Since I started my de-cluttering weight, and no spend year, I’ve been paying more attention to my body, and the effects of the food I eat. Sugar in high doses literally knocks me out. Like, almost comatose. After my nap, I wake up felling groggy, and drugged. And I am, actually. I drugged myself. Sugar is like cocaine to me, I’m guessing.
I never did cocaine, thankfully.
But, I am an addict. My drug of choice is no longer alcohol, thank you GOD!! But, I’m not clean, I just subbed sugar for the alcohol. No, that’s not true either. I’ve always been a sugar addict, I just added alcohol, then took that away. But the underlying sugar addiction was never really addressed.
I need to admit, I’m powerless over sugar, and really food in general. I do admit it.
Hi, I’m Melinda, and I’m a food addict. Just showing off my gorgeous body! (That I actually really hate.)
Which sucks so hard, since I literally have to have my DOC (drug of choice) to live. How am I supposed to recover from an addiction, when I still use, every day!! And am required to, or physically die??
I’m not really sure how to address this, but I am open to answers. My life as an addict is miserable. I’m tired of the lying, and hiding. Yes, I hoard, and hide food in my room, just like I used to hide my bottles. That is sick.
I don’t have bulimia, or anorexia, so I’m not sure if there is an in-patient treatment program that really even exists.
And Biggest Loser is out. I refuse to work out 8 hours a day. That is not healthy either. I’m looking for a long term, sustainable solution, for the rest of my life.
I can lose weight, no problem. I’ve done it many times. But, at the end of 6 months, I snap, and have to binge on a pan of brownies. And then I don’t stop. And all the pounds jump right back on me, gleefully yelling, “We knew you’d come back for us!! You love us too much to leave us forever!”
Calling my food change habits, a new way of eating, instead of a diet, didn’t work either. Only trying to fool myself doesn’t work for long. I know I’m lying.
I’ve prayed about this. I read Scriptures about not being a glutton. So, I deny myself sugar or treats, for awhile. Only works for so long. Like this no spend challenge- I can only have treats if I make them myself. So, I buy cook pudding, and eat the whole pot myself. EIGHT servings!! Then, I crash into my sugar coma, wake up groggy, tired, and bloated. Regret it, and repeat.
I don’t even know what I hope to accomplish today. I just know I had to finally spit out the whole truth.
I’ve even seriously contemplated surgery. But, my Mama is terrified I’ll die, since one of my aunts did, after her’s. So, since I’m a chicken, that’s out the window.
All I know is, now that I’ve admitted the whole truth, maybe that means now I can get help, and get on the road to recovery with this mess.
Once all my bills are paid off, and I can enjoy a life of financial freedom, I don’t want to still be chained to this fat body.
I want true freedom in my body, soul, and spirit!!
So, the sugar saga continues…..