Respite

Can you see the contentment, and joy in my face??

I was in a motel for a week, to relax and rest.

Let me back up.

April 6, everything was okay.    So, I went to sleep as usual.

At about 4 am, I woke up thirsty.   All the lights were off, and I didn’t have my phone.   Got a Coke outta the fridge.    No problem so far.      Then tragedy struck suddenly!

I stepped in something slick, and slid.     Instant terror!!     Instant anger!!

Thank God!    I fell into a chair that was there.

I sat there just trembling, and red faced with terror and fear.

I was terrified that I was no longer safe in my own home.

What if I had fallen, and broken my hip??     How long would I be in hospital, then rehab??

I wasn’t safe here now.      (I had fallen 3 or so weeks ago.    And tripped, and slipped many, many more times.)

And I was angry that I wasn’t safe in my own home.     Then I felt guilty for feeling so angry.

So, when I calmed down, I went back to bed.    But I was still so upset, I began biting myself!

What??    That’s looney tunes time!      Self harming is Baker Act time!      People in the white coats come and haul you away time!

I felt like I couldn’t scream, cuZ that would wake up the whole house.    So I was biting my hand, and thumb, to control the scream that was threatening to come out.

CuZ I knew, if I started screaming, I wasn’t gonna be able to shut up.     All the terror, and anger would rush outta me like a stream of molten lava, scorching, and killing everything in its path. 

8 comments

    1. Yes, I asked her to move out. She moved out a few days before the end of April. Yes, I’m okay with it, because I’m the one who asked her to move. It’s heart breaking, but it had to be. Thanks, Kristy. It sure was!

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